


if love is what you need (a soldier i will be)

by zanykingmentality



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crimson Flower Route, F/F, Falling In Love, Mutual Pining, My Unit | Byleth Has Emotions, POV Second Person, Spoilers, i use the word devotion a lot but it's fitting, let byleth make their own choices 2k20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:35:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22838686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zanykingmentality/pseuds/zanykingmentality
Summary: if heaven does not take you back, you don't care. there are bigger things than religion.like this: edelgard, staring up at the sky. edelgard, smiling. edelgard, and the world she dreams of.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg & My Unit | Byleth, Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 35
Kudos: 226





	if love is what you need (a soldier i will be)

**Author's Note:**

> i was listening to "angel with a shotgun" by the cab and i thought of edeleth and so my fingers zoomed and wrote this for the better part of a day. so that's where the title comes from. listen to the song while reading for extra feelings! 
> 
> yes i may or may not think of fe3h during any free moment. unbeta-d, but spellchecked, so please forgive any of my lingering errors! please enjoy~

(When you were born, you did not cry.) 

“I gave the order.” 

(I must kill Edelgard.) 

(I must _protect Edelgard._ ) 

Green hair, green eyes. You are a picture of gullible divinity, someone with a goddess inside them. You think of Sothis, whose heart is your own, whose desires are your own. You, the progenitor god. 

You, the traitor queen. 

The Sword of the Creator unhinges and clicks together again. You stare Edelgard down. Hubert behind her. Some general with a maniacal grin draws his sword. And you turn to face Rhea. 

This is the choice you have made for yourself. The _only_ one you’ve made, arguably. You are used to being told what to do. Receive a revelation from the goddess, join the monastery, become a professor, hang up your sword to teach nobles that their lives are more than their blood. That the church keeps asking you to kill is too much for you. You kill for one reason and one reason alone. Rhea does not get to tell you what that reason is. 

You do not think Edelgard should be taking the Crest Stones. But you stand with her. You are not a fool. You do not blindly obey orders. You are not a pet to be toyed with. 

You are Byleth Eisner, and you will make your own choices. 

Rhea screams like someone’s stabbed her, twisting a knife in her back. Magic crawls up her neck, grips at her cheeks. Enraged. Crackling bones. Edelgard almost gasps behind you; raising your sword, you know what you are fighting for. All that you have learned, all that you have felt — everything leads to this. 

“How _dare_ you betray me?” Eyes wide, pupils small. She is unhinged. “Give me back the heart you took! Wretched child!” 

Each word burns like iron against your skin, but once look over at Edelgard and you know you are doing the right thing. You saw her crowned. You know her dream. You will make it a reality. 

For Edelgard, you will lay down your life. 

And everyone runs. 

To fall prey to devotion is the sweetest torture of all. 

* * *

“You… You were dead.” 

You tilt your head quizzically. Maybe you were. You can’t really remember. There is panic in the base of your chest, a fear you’ve just barely tamped down in a mad sprint to the monastery. Edelgard is here. But she is different. 

She is radiant. 

Horned crown. Beautiful, hard eyes. You almost fall to your knees. Desperation claws itself around your throat and you can not be a moment away from her any longer. 

“I was,” you say. Your throat is hoarse, breathing ragged. “I’m back now.” 

Edelgard is silent for a long moment. She stares at you like you are all she’s been wanting for. Like you are the answer and she is a starving pilgrim awaiting solace. Then she launches forward. Takes you in her arms. 

You are still taller than her. Edelgard’s cold crown falls under your chin. She closes her eyes and breathes in deep, like she’s been waiting eons for this one moment. In a way, maybe she has. You did not realize it, but maybe you are her savior like she is yours. Maybe there is something to be said about mutual devotion. She is a faraway princess that you call to let her hair down. You feel a teardrop on your shoulder. 

She pulls away abruptly. 

“There is much to do, my teacher,” she says. “Let us go.” 

You take her hand and follow her again. 

* * *

It is after you take Derdriu that you find Edelgard by the gates, staring up at the sky. 

The marketplace is devoid of its usual hustle and bustle. Stars twinkle far above you. “My teacher,” Edelgard says without turning to look. “You’re still awake?” 

“I was feeling restless,” you say. Edelgard’s ears are tinged pink. From the cold, probably, but you entertain the thought that it is from something else. After all these years, you are still unaccustomed to the sound of your own voice. 

Edelgard hums noncommittally. She casts a striking profile against the pitch-black sky, pale and beautiful. After a long moment, she says, “The stars are beautiful.” 

“It was hard to see Claude,” you say, without thinking. 

Edelgard nods. “I used to play chess with him on weekends.” A small smile curves at her mouth, like she’s remembering fondly her time as a student. “He was always a worthy opponent.” 

You step forward to stand next to her. Pointing to a cluster of stars, you say, “Some people call that the Seiros constellation, but privately, we all call it the Crustacean.” 

“Why is that?” Edelgard’s eyes glitter with amusement as she turns to look at you instead of the stars. 

“It looks more like a crab than a human,” you say. “At least, when I look at it.” 

Edelgard returns her attention to that small grouping of stars. “I see the crab somewhat.” 

“Constellations are really abstract,” you say. “They don’t really make sense. Or look like what they’re named after.” 

“Teach me more, professor,” Edelgard says, her eyes gleaming. You sit on the steps together and point out groups of stars as they move across the heavens. Commit to memory the stardust on her cheeks. 

* * *

The last thing you remember is your sword piercing into the Immaculate One. You remember being blasted into a wall. 

When you look down at yourself, your hair is no longer green. 

The door swings open and Mercedes steps in, followed by Linhardt. The two of them whisper something, heads together, before they notice you conscious and sitting up. Mercedes approaches cautiously, like taming a wild beast. “Professor?” 

You can see Linhardt swallow the desire to bolt. 

“How is everyone?” you ask. 

“I’ll get Edelgard,” Linhardt says, dashing out of the room. 

“We’re all fine,” Mercedes says. “You should be more worried about yourself.” 

“Why?” 

“Your heartbeat!” 

You blink. “I know. I don’t have one.” 

Mercedes does not get the chance to answer. Clanking armor signals Edelgard’s arrival. The door swings open again and reveals her, sweaty, bags heavy under her eyes. 

“Byleth!” Edelgard rushes forward, falling to her knees next to your bed. 

“El,” you say. You almost don’t notice Mercedes step out. 

“You were dead,” Edelgard says. “We couldn’t find your pulse. You were barely breathing.” 

“What… happened?” 

Edelgard is positively glowing. “We did it,” she says. “We won, and you’re alive.” 

“I’m alive,” you affirm. 

She takes your hand. “We think the crest in your heart shattered. You no longer have the Crest of Flames.” 

You swallow deeply. There are a million questions, all of which can never be answered. The only one who could tell you the truth is gone now. Humanity is in its own hands now. 

“I thought I couldn’t live without it,” you say. 

In lieu of a response, Edelgard brings your joined hands to your chest. A faint thrumming meets your skin, a strange _ba-bump, ba-bump_ that you can’t remember ever feeling before. “Your heart is beating,” Edelgard says. You look at her. There are too many emotions to express. They well up in your eyes and fall freely down your cheeks. Edelgard tears up a little, too. 

“I’m a person,” you say. 

“You always were,” Edelgard says. Her free hand cups your cheek, every reverent touch warm and relieved. “You always were human.” 

You throw your arms around her and pull her close. 

* * *

“I don’t know what the future holds,” Edelgard says. You are sitting outside the chapel, ring heavy in your chest pocket. “But, come what may, will you stay by my side?” She swallows thickly. “You chose to protect me at the Holy Tomb. Will you choose me again?” 

It seems like such a silly question. You would choose her over and over. With a million other options, you would always choose Edelgard. She looks down, face flushed. 

“What I’m trying to say is… I need you.” 

You only half understand what this is. It’s like when she said friend was too trite a word to describe your relationship. That _this_ between the two of you is stronger, more ardent, than what the word friendship contains. 

“El…” you say. You take your father’s ring from your pocket and present it to her. “Here.” 

“Jeralt’s ring…” She stares for a moment in wonder, like she’s debating if she can really accept this. You desperately want her to. You don’t know what you’ll do if she doesn’t. 

(That’s not true. You’ll stand beside her whether or not she accepts. It’s as simple as that.) 

She takes the ring and slides it onto her finger. “It’s lovely,” she breathes. “Thank you, my dearest.” 

When the two of you are sitting like this, you’re the same height. Not that the difference is ever so drastic, but it’s enough to be noteworthy. You are entranced by Edelgard’s eyes, the swell of her cheek, the curve of her lips. 

“I’d like to kiss you,” you say without thinking. 

“Please do,” Edelgard says. 

(“I always knew it would be you,” Hubert says, much later. 

“How?” 

His gaze is faraway. “It could not be anyone else,” he finally says.) 

Edelgard’s lips taste like a prayer. Ironic, considering the role you two play, dismantling religion from the inside out, but it’s true all the same. She tastes like white magic, like cherries, like a smile. A tingle in your fingertips. You’re almost hesitant to touch her further, to press your hand to her cheek and draw her to you; and yet, you do it anyway. You make these choices so casually now, like second nature. Like you’ve always made your own decisions. El presses harder against you and tips forward, bringing you down on the bench with her. She squeals in surprise. A hardened leader, toppled by love. You laugh: a full, hearty thing, like you always heard from your father. Something carefree, joyful, beautiful. El makes a face that quickly devolves into a splitting grin. It is the biggest smile you have ever seen from her. 

You want to see that expression all the time. 

“I love you,” you breathe. “I always have, and I always will.” 

The air in El’s throat catches. “I love you, too,” she says. Quietly. Gingerly. Like this moment is something beautiful that could shatter. “I love you more than anything.” 

You smile and lean up on your elbows to press your mouth quickly to hers again. Edelgard flushes, cheeks bright red; you want to capture this moment in memory forever. Devote your life right here, right now, as if you haven’t already. 

“From now on, we walk this path together,” Edelgard says. She pushes herself to her feet, offering you a hand. She casts a blinding silhouette against the setting sun, the pink of the evening sky. 

When you take her hand, you are born again. The path you tread is long and winding, but you would not trade it for anything. 

**Author's Note:**

> hot take this is probably one of the most beautiful things i've ever written i'm so proud


End file.
